futilities | Private Conversation: Akane and Holden @ 10am, Cabin L, Akane's Room.

[He freezes with his hand still on the doorknob, and doesn't entirely turn around before he replies.

His words are kind of low and they run together a bit, final consonants half slurred away.] What makes you say that?

Because Critter told me I was poisoned by someone last night. I'm...I don't have the flu. I have until tonight, unless someone with a protector role saves me.

[ She squeezes the doll in her hand and brings her hands, doll and all, up to her mouth, trembling, as a choking noise comes out of her. It's not fair, she had tried so hard to survive, and then this game, and now there was nothing she could do and she could see her death coming. There was nothing.]

...

[He spends a small number of seconds still not looking at her.] Sonuvabitch wolf kid... [A somewhat larger number of seconds before he turns around properly, his eyes very sober, hands limp at his sides.]

When you say tonight, do you mean... when the lights go out after dinner? Tomorrow morning? Do... [We ever get to see each other again?]

I-I don't know.

[ To any of it.

It happens faster than she can process: she notices her cheeks are wet and then she starts to actually cry, covering her face with her pillow and letting out a piercing hopeless wail. ]

[This is somehow even more awkward than when she vomited just now. Or when she ran off crying after that trial where they killed Nightray. It is like both of those things combined. But much, much worse.

After a few seconds of awkward teenage staring he moves to her side and has his arm around her shoulder, stroking her hair. THIS IS TOTALLY HOW YOU COMFORT GIRLS. RIGHT???]

[ She's still crying bro and she feels you but HI SHE'S GOING TO DIE. How do you calm down from that?

Although she can't cry forever, especially when crying makes her feel sick and exacerbates her headache. She calms down slowly, breathing long and hard into the pillow, before she sets it on her lap and says in a small voice: ]

At least it's not the end entirely.

Maybe I earned this for what I did a few months ago.

[ But hey she's not divulging all to herself in a convenient monologue. She waits to see if she's piqued his curiosity. ]

Don't say crap like that. We don't earn things, and if we do it's because of outright being assholes. [He's pretty much rambling like an idiot as he continues to hold her.] I've never believed in the death penalty. You could be Critter and I wouldn't want to kill you. I don't wanna kill you, Akane, I really don't want you to die, I, I don't want that at all.

I don't know anymore; I haven't been the best person and I wonder if James was right -- if we're all here to be punished. Maybe Critter knows so much about us because they're some kind of omniscient horror...

[ She's rambling but it's a comfort, because at least then she can avoid thinking of what's going on otherwise. ]

And I'd be calmer if there was anything I could do, either to save my own life or get word out to my brother. I can't leave him alone out there. There were so many things I had to do, still.

You'd think in purgatory people wouldn't get killed, though. [Shine on, ramblebabies.]

If there are monsters out there in prayer's pass that ate Hiyoko and Sansa and Stephanie, though, what do they eat when there aren't people here? Are there prey animals further out? Or do they eat each other? Or does Critter just bring in new groups like us all the time so they never starve?

[ She sighs and rests her head on his shoulder as dizziness takes her again. ]

Would you help me get to the trophy room when it's time to vote? I don't...want to just die without having done one more thing to get back at these Hunters. I don't think I can make it to the trial itself, though. Could you tell the others why, and what happened? I know it's a lot to ask of you, but...I trust you.

And when you said I didn't know you that well, back when we first talked... You weren't laughing at how stupid I was to yourself, were you?

[When she mentions Hunters, his hand on her stops and tenses for a significant moment before returning to comforting crap. He continues to listen.] Not at how stupid you were. [He hangs his head. Draws her closer.] All of us are stupid. Flinging fingers at these dumb trials and -- at least we're getting closer to the right track now. Hopefully we can start a new streak.

And you can be a part of that. I'll take you there. Tell everyone about what happened beforehand. Don't worry about anything. [Here have a kiss on the top of your head.

Beat.] You planning on... listening to the trial over the radio or just catching up when you get there?

[ Don't think she didn't notice that, u. She doesn't respond to the tension visibly, just rubs her thumb over June's worn face, contemplative.

She'd mentioned Hunters in the context of revenge, and he wouldn't be tense if he'd agreed with her.

But...maybe he just had reservations. Yeah. Not everyone was like her, after all, willing to steal, lie, and kill if it saved her own life. ]

I'll listen to it on the radio. I'll just need a little help getting to the trophy room to place my own vote, since we can't vote in others' places.

[ She leans away, then scoots over on the bed, putting distance between them. ] We're all pretty stupid, that's for sure. No matter who we were on the outside, there's nothing we can do in here to better our chances.

[ She gets up unsteadily, grabs her journal on the bed, and walks over to her desk, sitting at it. ]

If I'm dying tonight, I have to finish a last note. You can stay here though. [ This she says with a note of fondness. If it's affected or not is difficult to tell. ]

Don't worry. I won't read it. [Feigned respectful tone for that. He turns away from where he's sitting on the bed to face in the opposite direction of her desk; hands folded behind his back.]

...there's one thing I think you should know. [This is serious, and he's not sure he should be saying it..] I guess it could constitute something I've let stay hidden from you. Before you told me about your situation... it wouldn't have mattered. But the thing is that--

[He picks up speed.] Okay, you know about the country nickname club? Those guys who all call each other Spain or Ukraine or whatever. The one Poland was in. I've had the opportunity to speak with them and I found some things out. That I'm kind of not supposed to know.

England isn't actually the protector. That's why America got so mad at him when he first told us. He said it to keep the heat off the other nations, so the hunters could go for him and hope to be taking out the protector. One of them is the real protector, but it's a secret. That's why they meet so goddamn often like eager lovers. They coordinate everything way ahead of time to make it look like England's the one doing it. Almost a day in advance sometimes.

So that's why I didn't say "don't worry, just ask England" as soon as you said a protector could fix things up for you. Because he can't do it himself. And... because odds are at least one of the nations isn't prey anyway. Ever since they got so bent out of shape about Poland I don't trust them. I really don't.

[god Holden the size of your freaking mouth]

[ The contents of these last writings will be available publicly after her death -- of course, until then all Holden can see if he looks is that she's writing slowly, consciously thinking about what to put down. She sighs and closes the notebook after a second, rubbing her eyes.

Then she begins processing his news. She turns around in her chair to look at him. ]

No way! Well, I guess it makes sense, in a way they are helping us. But I wish I knew who the real protector was. It would be nice to have more time to play the game and save the others.

[ A faltering sigh. ]

You wouldn't hide the information that could save me, would you?

Hehe, or maybe I'm hiding something from you, and am waiting for you to leave so I can heal myself.

[ i did it before lol try me holden caulfield ]

[Wow that's oddly specific Akane ahaheh... yeah he might "hehe" back at her as he hesitates, but only for a little bit, about how to answer.]

I wouldn't hide the information that could save you. [He repeats these words carefully, almost enough it could have merited italicizing. Like it's exactly this thing he wouldn't do and not necessarily something else.]

Though, you know, if the dead hunters' journals are anything to go by, a lot of people in this game are sworn to secrecy somehow anyway. Who knows what's gonna happen to me just for telling you what the countries' deal is.

[He takes a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and then frowns at it.] I'd ask your permission to have a smoke, maybe share even, but I'm clean out of cigarettes and it'd probably make you feel worse like this.

[ Sideways glance at him. ]

No thanks, either way.

If there's a conspiracy of silence, would it endanger you to reveal your role to me? Or vice-versa. [ She turns her body towards him and crosses her legs at the ankles. ] I'm not revealing anything either way, I'm just wondering why, say, Bruce couldn't out himself if everyone was right about him not wanting to be a killer to begin with. Seems like he could have saved a life if he'd just been honest.

[ Her face is unreadable. ] Though, I understand what it's like to have to lie for a greater purpose. Do you wanna know why I thought I was being punished here?

[Huh, looks like she's done writing. Sweet. He sits on the bed Indian style with his hands on his kneecaps, looking at her.]

Bruce was really obvious to all of us about not wanting to play along. But he did. Probably even killed Kanaya himself or that's what the Einsteins are assuming. And you heard how much his son freaked out about how he'd never ever do that.

If the hunters are somehow bribed or threatened making them do stuff that bad, then it doesn't seem too unlikely it could gag them too, does it? If there weren't some rule about whether the betrayal was intentional and serious it doesn't sound like Poland would have kept it secret from Lithuania. Though for that matter it could just be playing along with critter considering the hunters only really have to kill a third of the prey and the prey have to lynch just as many hunters to win and all...

[Stares..... wow he is UNABLE TO READ HER FACE...] I guess I wouldn't mind hearing about it if you don't mind. No game stuff that puts anyone in danger, right?

[ Still blankface as she says: ]

Before this game, there...was another game kind of like this. The goal was to survive, and I killed three men and used my best friend to save my own life.

[ Hearing herself say it, her expression cracks, and she swallows. ] I'm not proud of those actions, but I wouldn't take them back -- I wanted to live. And when I saw James' death, I started to worry that...Critter was coming for all of us. For things we did or could do. And to leave me knowing I was dying but helpless to stop it is the worst thing Critter could do to me, and I think they know that.

I'm... [ Looking away because she's not sure what her face will tell him if she looks at him, hell no. ] Telling you this in hopes that information might help you find a pattern in the roles, or murders, or anything. So it helps you and everyone else survive.

[Well.

That knocks him out alright.

Deep breath.] You sound like you're uniquely positioned to take a big picture view of this whole game. With all the wolves hunting and rabbits lynching and vultures scavenging. And friends on opposite sides and all...

I guess I'm lucky not to know you that well, if this is really gonna be the case, but it sure doesn't feel that way to me. [Really doesn't. His voice is awfully sympathetic.]

[ ??? u can't be sympathetic and sad now she's gonna be sad oh no, akane was not expecting this. ]

I thought I was, too, but now...it doesn't really matter I guess. What I'm saying is that it's up to you now. You're the only one left of our old alliance.

[ She tucks June and the journal into her desk again and gets up, moving back to her bed, where she sits next to Holden and tries to put a hand on his knee, sitting quietly and not looking at him. ]

Yeah... [Thinking about James Sunderland, Kanaya, Damian.] They picked off everyone else who voted funny, didn't they? Hehe.

[No that's not funny and those are just noises. But unlike the night they allied up, he doesn't shy away from her touch very much. Instead he puts his hand on her shoulder and awkwardly looks rather earnestly not quite at her.]

Don't worry. I'll do my best for your sake, Akane......

But that's at the trial. We got hours till then. Wanna... talk about something a little less morbid?

[Plz a return to ramblebabbyhood.]

[ we can never go back to being ramblebabs like we were...

A bitter smile. ]

Okay.

Thank you.

Have you heard of the novel Futility, or the Wreck of the Titan? They say it's a potential example of trans-temporal communication.

[ you said less morbid you didn't say sensible ]

[No we have graduated ramble high school and are now sad ramble emerging adults

We aren't going to the same college]

No, I haven't... it sounds kinda like the Titanic shipwreck, have anything to do with that?

[ we say we'll call each other but we won't call

i guess you could say we'll be

rambling off in different directions ]

Yes! The story is of the disastrous wreck of a fictional ship, the Titan, and the story bears striking similarities to the Titanic incident, despite the novel being released years before! People have been puzzled as to how the author could create a scenario so similar to the Titanic accident before the accident happened, and some have come up with the theory that it was a happening of trans-temporal communication!

That is, the author somehow communicated with someone in the future who knew of the Titanic, and recreated that scenario in his own novel! It's pretty neat, huh?

[He dials her number but it's the wrong one... the line is dead

Chinhandsing.] That's really freaky. Maybe the real conspiracy is that somebody liked Futility a lot and controlled the iceberg in the future. I guess we'll never know. Unless the author gets dragged into this game or something. Which isn't impossible.

Man. Have you ever heard of D.B. Caulfield? He's my older brother, he's a big writer in Hollywood but his books are much better. Maybe since it was 1951 when I left if I get out of here alive I'll tell him about this whole game and there'll be an anachronistic book about it.

[Probably the wrong witty remark to make in this situation. His lips twitch and he charges on.] His best story's called The Secret Goldfish. It's about this kid who buys a goldfish at the fair but then won't let anyone else look at it. Because he bought it with his own money.

Private Conversation: Akane and Holden @ 10am, Cabin L, Akane's Room.

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